If you read this blog, you know I'm a workoholic.
If you read this blog, you know I'm very honest.
You share my joys.
You share my sadness.
You know me.
Since the new year I have been struggling. Emotionally I've just been spent. I know that I'm doing God's work, in His time. I've been praying for strength. I've been praying for guidance. I've been praying for direction and endurance to withstand the trials that come.
Honestly, though, I'm running out of gas. In deep, dark places that I don't want to talk about I'm afraid that I can't do the road God put ahead of me. I know He's ahead of me. I know I'm following His will, His plan. However, I struggle with the direction I'm on...and I don't know why. I've blogged on it before. Yet here I am again, in the same place. There must be something wrong with me. Why do I keep doubting the road I'm on.
Colossians 1:28-29 28) We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. 29) To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy which so powerfully works in me.
This verse tells me two things:
1) Paul too is a workoholic for the Kingdom. He proclaims, admonishes, and teaches everyone in wisdom and his goal is to win them to Christ. And he labors in this, as it is not a hard task.
2) For Paul, "struggling with all [God]'s energy", life was never a cakewalk. Even with God giving him strength, Paul had bad days where he questioned direction, or thought he couldn't do the tasks laid ahead. I guess the lesson from Paul is not to question whether God will give you the strength to do it, but to ask for patience so that in God's time He can reveal His energy that "so powerfully works" in Paul.
God, give me the patience to see things in your time.
Give me the strength I need to complete your tasks.
Give me the wisdom never to question your direction.
And if I can handle it, let me do more in your name.